I've been trying so hard to move forward and freeing myself of the past. I've forgiven myself for things, I've forgiven the closest people to me, but I at the same time, shoved some of the most hurtful things to the back and hoped they just wouldn't resurface. I felt a freedom but it was not an enduring one.
On Monday morning, Porter's first birthday, I received a phone call from my biological mother who I do not communicate with often, since trying to move forward in my life became a priority, to be told that my fifteen year old brother, attempted to commit suicide Sunday night.
My heart is broken. He was not successful but there is a tumultuous aftermath, a disaster left in the wake of a storm, and I am frozen. Yesterday he was transferred from the ICU to an inpatient Psychiatric ward. I feel helpless, I feel like I failed my brother on so many levels. There is too much to explain, too much I don't want to process, didn't want to process, that I have to process to heal myself and find a way to help my brother heal and recover. I'm not sure what more to say, but as readers, as a community, I just ask that you send light and love his way, our way. I'll be back soon, but right now, I need quiet.
On Monday morning, Porter's first birthday, I received a phone call from my biological mother who I do not communicate with often, since trying to move forward in my life became a priority, to be told that my fifteen year old brother, attempted to commit suicide Sunday night.
My heart is broken. He was not successful but there is a tumultuous aftermath, a disaster left in the wake of a storm, and I am frozen. Yesterday he was transferred from the ICU to an inpatient Psychiatric ward. I feel helpless, I feel like I failed my brother on so many levels. There is too much to explain, too much I don't want to process, didn't want to process, that I have to process to heal myself and find a way to help my brother heal and recover. I'm not sure what more to say, but as readers, as a community, I just ask that you send light and love his way, our way. I'll be back soon, but right now, I need quiet.
