25 February, 2013

8/52 + A Goodbye.

"a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2013."

Mara Eden: just so busy, busy. Talking on her phone, putting on her Grammy Gina's velcro shoes, all while entertaining us with her head full of adventures and stories.
Porter: keeping me company while I cook, always.

These pictures were bittersweet for me to go through, because the pictures I snapped in the last week, have pictures of our dog, Martha, her last pictures, before I took her to be put to sleep this morning. I briefly mentioned in a post last week that our dog had been diagnosed with Dysphoria and Dementia. It's very hard for me to write about, but where capturing growth is so important, it's also important to remember life is cycle, and it does come to an end. We rescued Martha two years ago, when she was in a very poor physical condition. She almost died the first weekend that we had her home with us, and as she physically got better, more and more things about her behavior were a challenge. 

Martha spent the larger portion of the past two years, constantly being restless. She had periods of time where she was content, but would often be found pacing back and forth, whining, etc. Several, several, several trips to the vet, different tests, and finally our last try with medication, proved that something horrible had happened in Martha's past that made her live somewhere so deep inside her head, that she didn't know how to be a dog. 

She was not one for human interaction, she did not enjoy being pet, cuddled, held, loved on, etc. The happiest time of her life with us, was when we lived on that acre in New Mexico and she didn't have to be around people. We loved her, we really, really tried to make her part of the family. But between her previous abuse, whatever horrible things were done to her, she could not change in her mind. Add on top of that her age, that is where we are assuming Dysphoria and Dementia took over with her anxiety. We tried over the weekend a heavy sedative that she had an adverse reaction too, that actually seemed to permanently disorient her, and the decision was made to put Martha to sleep.

I am very fortunate to be friends with the vet tech at our vet, Margaret. She has gone above and beyond to help us with Martha, by making home visits across town to clip her nails, or bring us prescriptions after hours on her way home. And today, she was a true friend to me, and was there for Martha, when she was put to sleep. She held me and Martha, and we loved on her until she was gone, and sat with me for a while. She walked me to my car to make sure I was okay, and made the arrangements for the crematory to pick Martha up.  Margaret, if you read this, thank you. Thank you beyond belief.

It is very hard to have to put a pet to sleep for anyone, it's extremely hard to put a physically sound pet to sleep, when she has so much life in her physically, but her head is so sick. The mental condition that Martha was in, she needed to be relieved from. Seeing her laying peacefully after the vet left the room, and I kissed her nose, I just hope that she is at peace over the Rainbow Bridge, free of all the weight that left her so restless and anxious.
(September 2012, Porter's personal maid/Cheerio Vacuum.)
Whatever happened in your past to you to make you so withdrawn and distant from those around you, whatever happened to make you so uneasy and restless day in and day out. We still love you and tried to let you know that for the what seems like too short of time that you were with us. May you forever be free of your anxiety, Martha, forever at peace. We will miss you greatly, especially your little man, Porter.

1 comment:

  1. i am so sorry. i have cried and held 1 too many pets over the years, as they were put to sleep. it´s very painful process, one i have never been completely at ease with no matter how logical and compassionate it all seems. i send you a heartfelt hug.
    mama bear